Collette's Special Day!
by The Mystic Legacy
Summary: It's Collette's birthday and the cast of ToS celebrate. Features random humor and an unexpected guest! Rated T for safety.


Collette's Special Day!

TML: It's HERE! A new fanfiction from the author of Get Your Random On!

Bookend: Is it gonna stink as much as the last one?

TML: Quit being such a smartass. You're just an inanimate object.

Bookend: Hmm. You have a point there.

TML: So are you going to say the disclaimer, or do I have to get Rubik's Cube in here?

Bookend: I'm not going to, but I will say that this story occurs SIX MONTHS BEFORE Get Your Random On! Got that? That means the bit at the end is FOUR MONTHS BEFORE!

TML: Way to make yourself useful! Rubik's Cube?

Rubik's Cube: TML does not own Namco, Tales of Symphonia, Tupperware, the Beach Boys, Riva Coffee, Cindy Lauper, Desperate Housewives, the Olympics Super Smash Bros. or anything else mentioned in this fic with copyright on it.

TML (monologuing): Thanks to Bookend I now feel the need to mention the Singing Bookends. You know who they are. Probably. Okay, probably not but you might of heard of them by their official name. Go The Veronicas! (aka Singing Bookends) I feel a poll coming on! Do you have any idea whatsoever of who The Veronicas are? Answer in the review that you are undoubtedly going to write!

This fic is dedicated to the memory of Woody the beetle. We may never know the cause of his passing but regret it anyway.

Collette's Special Day!

One day in Symphonia there was a beetle. This was no ordinary beetle. This beetle was called Woody. Woody loved to run around Dirk's garden until one day Woody got swept up into a funny plastic Tupperware container. The culprit: Lloyd Irving.

"Wow!" Said Lloyd. "You're fantastic!" Lloyd put the lid lightly on the container because even though he was real thick he still knew how to keep a bug alive. He put Woody down next to his bed and turned off the light.

"G'night" Lloyd muttered sleepily.

It took Lloyd awhile to get up next morning. When he finally got up he squealed with fright.

"Y-yaah! I'm late! She'll never forgive me!" Lloyd grabbed the Tupperware container and ran outside. He hopped on his scooter (Noishe was on sabbatical that's a vacation).

Soon he arrived at Collette's house. The rest of the ToS crew were already there.

"Lloyd! Took you long enough" Genis smirked.

"Oh Lloyd, you came! I'm so happy!" Collette smiled and tripped into a door.

"Sorry!"

"You don't have to apologize you dork!" Lloyd laughed.

"Okay now seeing as everyone's here," Raine interjected, "Lets get Present Time under way!"

"P-present Time?" Zelos stuttered.

"Yeah!" Replied Sheena (she was closest and the only person who could hear what he was saying) pointing at the banner overhead (It said "Happy birthday!"). "Don't tell me you you forget to get her a present!"

"Err, no!" Zelos shot back, sounding like a little kid saying 'Is not!'

Collette's first present was from Genis and it was his recipe for cookies!

"Now you can make them yourself, anytime!" he announced proudly.

"Oh thank you Genis, I love these cookies! I could never cook them as well as you do but!" Collette said modestly.

"Aw shucks..." Genis blushed.

After that was Lloyd's present: Woody the beetle!

"Wow Lloyd! A real live pet! I'm so happy! It's what I've always wanted!" Collette beamed before tripping and dropping the Tupperware container.

"Strike me pink, I'm so sorry!" Silence.

"What does 'strike me pink' mean?" Pinky (Presea) asked. More silence.

"I'm not sure..." C'llettsky (Collette) replied puzzled.

"Here you go" Lloyd said, handing Woody and the Tupperware container to Collette. (He had gone and fetched both during the silences)

"Thankys Lloyd" she replied, hugging him. Lloyd blushed.

Next was Regals present. Handcuffs.

"Oh wow! That's so nice of you Regal!" Collette beamed at him.

"They're great for everything from hanging photos to chaining up the dog/protozoan!" Regal said like he was being paid to endorse them.

Sheena had gotten Collette an authentic Mizuhoan beret in blue and white. It was really pretty.

"Thanks Sheena, I'll treasure it forever!" Collette exclaimed shortly before tripping and coating it with mud.

"Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry!" It seemed as if she no longer needed to breathe.

"It's okay." Sheena said calmly. "It's machine washable!"

Then the Beach Boys popped in and sang an entire song about it being machine washable.

"Ooh I can wash it in a machine ooh I can dry it in a machine ooh I can have it dry cleaned ooh I want another one, baby" they chorused addressing Sheena. She slapped them all and they went back to wherever they came from.

"Open my present" Pinky said.

"Well okay Pinky!" Replied Collette.

"Aw but mine was next!" Yuan winged.

"Wait your turn!" Raine piped in as she whacked Yuan over the head.

"You can be next, okay Yuan?" said Collette.

"Well okay, yeah." Yuan compromised, rubbing his head in the spot where Raine had hit him.

Pinky had made Collette a wooden bunny painted pink. It was really well made and when Collette opened it everyone went "aww" cause it was just so cute!

"Aww. Thank you so much! It must've been so hard to make!" Collette said in a really really nice way.

"Oh... err ... yeah... thanks..." Pinky blushed.

"Myturnmyturnmyturnmyturnmyturnmyturnmyturnmyturn my turn, MY TURN NOW!" Yuan screamed scaring everyone.

"Uh, ah" replied Collette, dumbstruck.

After Collette regained sense she opened Yuan's present. Everyone oohed and aahed when they saw it- a big blue puppet theater with curtains drawn and a big red button on the front. Following a long silence Kratos stated the obvious.

"Maybe you should push the button." All nodded in agreement. Collette pushed the big red button and a puppet show suddenly sprang to life. There were puppets of all the party members, Yuan, Mithos and assorted other characters. The puppets acted out the events from the game. After two and a half hours of puppet show, puppets of the Beach Boys came on and sung their new song which was only written two and a half hours ago-'machine washable.' Sheena ran off screaming.

"What's got her irked?" Yuan wondered aloud.

Kratos' present followed Yuan's.

"Wow Kratos," Said Collette. "Lifetime VIP membership to Derris Kharlan Flowershop!"

"I didn't really know what to get you but I'm glad you like it." Kratos replied.

"I love it!" Collette reassured him. "Now I have no excuse to not have fresh flowers!"

It was only then they noticed Zelos was missing.

On "A grassy knoll not too far away"...

Fleeing from her mortal enemies, the Beach Boys, Sheena halted, panting, on top of "A grassy knoll not too far away". She was tired from so much running and collapsed on her back. She then noticed Zelos on the other side of the "A grassy knoll not too far away", back turned.

"Zelos!" She panted. He turned around and obviously wasn't tired at all. He noticed how out of breath she was.

"Oh hey Sheena. Tell me, did you run all the way here?" He asked.

"Well yeah. What are you doing out here?" She replied still immensely tired.

"I'm making Collette a birthday present. And you didn't have to run. I took a rheiard." He said still busily working on something.

Sheena was immediately struck by the simplicity of his solution.

She forced herself to her feet and wandered over to where Zelos sat, then dropped down next to him.

"Voila," Zelos said proudly holding up a three inch tall tripod made from sticks and tied together with grass. In an effort not to be rude Sheena suppressed her laughter. Zelos still knew his gift was pitiful.

"That's really the best you can do isn't it?" Sheena asked him. He nodded sadly.

"I tried real hard. I really did. I'm just not too good at making stuff is all." Zelos replied, severely depressed. Sheena really wanted to say that it was all his fault for not remembering to buy Collette a present but when she saw how sad he was she just couldn't tell him. She knew she'd regret the next thing she said.

"So... you need some help?"

Back at

Collette's birthday party...

"Where are they?" Lloyd asked "they've been gone nearly half an hour."

"I'm not sure, but I am getting bor-or-ored. Open another present Collette!" Yuan said in a way that very clearly indicated he was bor-or-ored twenty-five minutes ago.

"Well, okay" Collette piped in. "How about yours, Raine?"

"Sure, here you go" Raine replied handing Collette a long rod wrapped in red tissue paper. Lloyd and Genis cringed.

"Hey Lloyd," Genis offered, "How about you and I go look for Sheena and/or Zelos?"

"Yep-yep-yeppers-peppers" Lloyd said unable to get away fast enough. Lloyd and Genis ran off almost as fast as Sheena.

"Wow Rainey-poppet," Collette smiled, unwrapping her present "five foot long salami in the shape of a Raine-patented 'whacking stick'! Now I'll never run out sandwich meat again!"

"Until the stick runs out." Raine pointed out.

"Oh yeah, I didn't think about that." Collette admitted.

Somewhere between

Collette's birthday party

And

"A grassy knoll not too far away"...

"Now," Sheena asked Zelos impersonating a cop "do you know anything at all about the theft of 300 pounds of delicious Riva coffee from the Meltokio shopping mall?"

"Absolutely nothing, what happened where, I didn't know it was gone, red haired suspect, stashed at my house you say, I'm getting a lawyer, ask her about it, why at that time I was visiting my great-great-great-great grandmother, Sorri me no speekee the Eengleesh, look a rabid penguin!" Zelos answered speedily as if covering something up.

"Good. So it's agreed. That's what we'll say if any one asks." Sheena said finitively.

"Hi Lloyd, hi Genis!" Zelos said to alert Sheena to the boys' presence and abruptly ending an awkward conversation.

"Hey, we was locking for you!" Lloyd piped in.

"Lloyd, it's we were looking for you and where have you been?" Genis corrected.

"Um, we were putting the finishing touches on Collette's present." Zelos covered.

"Oh, yeah, that's it! Finishing touches..." Sheena complied with shifty eyes.

"'kay but we'd better get back. Collette's run out of presents to open." Genis said.

"Run out of presents? Strike me pink, we'd better hurry!" Lloyd shouted. Silence.

"Strike me ... pink?" Sheena said, bemused. Silence.

Back at

C'lettsky's (Collette! Strike me pink, people, can't you remember?!?! ... sorry...) birthday.

Genis, Lloyd, Sheena and Zelos trotted onto Collette's lawn. Zelos produced a box wrapped in blue paper and tied with a pretty pink bow.

"There you go Collette." Zelos smiled proudly. Collette unwrapped a large wad of delicious coffee. Delicious Riva coffee...

"Thank you so much Zelos I will treasure it forever!" Collette was pleased Zelos was SO thoughtful that he would run out on her birthday party to get her a present that he had procrastinated purchasing for three months with no thought of consequence.

"You do realize you can't keep this forever because the purpose of coffee is to drink it?" Raine reminded Collette.

"Drink it?" Collette stared puzzled. "But it's powder! Silly!" Raine sighed.

Half an hour later the party had died down. They had started pin the tail on the donkey however Yuan persisted in saying it was boring and invented his own version which involved chasing an actual donkey with a flaming whip. Everyone else found this tiring and changed it to sicking a bull with a flaming whip on Yuan. This version of "pin the tail on the donkey" was highly entertaining. Until, of course, the bull got tired. That brings us to now. When there was a big burst of white light in the bull's pen and Mitsky appeared out of thin air!

"Holy... cripes..." Yuan panted, very tired, shortly before dropping to the ground, clutching his heart.

"Sorry I'm late everybody!" Mitsky yelled excitedly! "Oh, here's your present Collette!" Mithos produced a small package, wrapped in purple paper and handed it to Collette.

"I thought you were dead!" Genis said, staring heavily.

"TML brought me back! After all TML does rule all!" Mithos smiled.

"Wow" shouted Collette who had just opened her present. "Legwarmers! They're almost vintage!"

"Legwarmers?" Raine said puzzled.

"Yes. Yggy from the 70's gives legwarmers!" Mitsky said transforming into Yggy from the 70's complete with a new lime green jumpsuit and the same old purple bangles.

"Uh oh, Yggy from the 70's!" Lloyd said backing away.

"It's ok. I'm just here to spruce up the par-tay!" Yggy from the 70's laughed. Within 10 minutes there were hundreds of high schoolers, a band AND a DJ, gallons upon gallons of spiked punch, the cast of Desperate Housewives and an inexplicable Olympic sized pool in Iselia. It's safe to say the mayor wasn't happy.

"Now,"Yggy from the 70's declared, "It's PAR-TAY TIME!" He opened the door to Collette's house so everyone could see it was now one of those disco 70's places complete with disco ball and strobe lights! Several already-drunk teenagers rushed inside and began to dance to Cindy Lauper! Soon the apprehensive ToS gang began to par-tay too.

Later at

The Par-tay (formerly Collette's birthday)

Everyone was having fun! Collette was kicking Lloyd and Genis's collective butt at Super Smash Bros., Yuan and Kratos were drunk at the bar (yes, there was a bar. OK there WASN'T a bar but there is one now), raving about "the good old days", Yggy from the 70's and Regal were having a dance off, Zelos had his hand dangerously close to Sheena's ass and wasn't getting slapped (let's just put it this way: they didn't know the punch was spiked...) and Pinky and Raine were being questioned over the theft of 300 pounds of delicious Riva coffee at Meltokio shopping mall.

Then after Regal got served for the sixteenth time in a row, Yggy from the 70's said

"Alright, I reckon I've taught y'all well, it's time for me to leave the Par-tay up to yous! C yas!" and with that Yggy from the 70's was gone in another flash of white light.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo! How can we party without Yggy from the 70's?" The teenagers asked as a rhetorical question. The party evaporated within five minutes.

"Yggy from the 70's has caused us tremendous pain yet again!" Yuan cried.

That brings us to now. When everyone left. Except for Lloyd. He helped Collette bring all her presents inside and waited until they were alone to talk to her.

"Y'know I haven't really given you your present..." Lloyd started. Collette cocked her head to the side.

"What do you mean, yes you have! Silly Lloyd, always forgetting things!" Lloyd chuckled as he reached into his back pocket.

"I'm not really sure how to say this but..." He bent down onto one knee and held up a ring "Collette, will you marry me?"

"But Lloyd, you only stopped seeing Sheena a month ago! Don't you miss her?" Collette asked.

"Miss her? That biatch left me for Zelos! Zelos!" Lloyd said angrily.

"Sheena likes Zelos?"

"Yeah. She's really shy about it and doesn't want anyone to know, especially Zelos. Plus, I always liked you better!"

Collette hugged Lloyd as they both began to blush while the rest of the gang (including a heavily blushing Sheena) watched through a camera hidden in a teapot.

Two Months Later...

Genis, Presea and Raine

...were walking through Ymir forest when they were confronted with more elves telling them to die than they even thought existed. They were going to die. Nothing could be done. The only option would be to distract them with something so fearful anyone would run in terror. Something lethal. Then Genis remembered something he had learnt two months ago...

"Look, a rabid penguin!"

Zelos and Sheena

... were playing Resident Evil (I know it doesn't have multi player or does it? but it does now cos I said so). Zelos was still oblivious to the fact that Sheena had a MASSIVE crush on him as he was in the bathroom when that was revealed. As a ladies man he probably should have noticed that Sheeny had spent the ENTIRE of the last two months hitting on him, but he hadn't. So now she was lying with her head in his lap, smiling up at him with the most suggestive smile possible. Now c'mon, even my ten year old friends can tell that that's suss. (yes, my ten year old friends living in cages in my candycane house! Moohaha! Was it a candycane house or a gingerbread mansion?) Sheeny sighed as she resolved that this wasn't working. The doorbell rung.

"I'll get that," Sheena piped in, taking the first excuse to get away from the man who was so obviously blind to her advances that he had to be gay. I mean c'mon, his jacket was PINK! However, the new trend of men wearing pink had spread so speedily in the last six months that now every man in Symphonia had a pink shirt to call his own. But Zelos had gotten his jacket before that. A heavily confused Sheena walked lazily down the stairs to meet another impatient ringing of the doorbell.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming!"

Sheena opened the door to a police officer asking, "Excuse me ma'am but do you know anything at all about the theft of 300 pounds of Riva coffee from the Meltokio shopping mall?"

Regal

Nothing was more embarrassing for Regal than getting served. Which had happened several times at the par-tay. He was seeking the help of a man. And this was not just any man. He was a very successful dancer, he had represented one of the biggest names in the music business. Though he didn't have many fans, there was no doubt he was a good dancer. Regal knocked on his door. It opened to reveal a man in a pimp hat and a tasteless shirt, holding a small boy.

"Ah," the man said. "You must be Regal..."

Regal addressed the man "Hello, Kevin Federline..."

Kratos and Yuan

A stage play

Yuan: Kratos?

Kratos: Yeah?

Yuan: Did you notice how much more popular Mithos got when he changed his name from Yggy to Yggy from the 70's?

Kratos: Oh, yeah, that's true! What were you thinking about that?

Yuan: I think we should copy him!

Kratos: But I'm already popular! I have legions of fangirls!

Yuan: I predict a 483.7583658 increase in popularity.

Kratos: Dibs on Kratty from the 50's!

Collette and Lloyd

... were talking to Frank about the whole engagement thing. It wasn't going so well.

"What do you mean you're getting married?!?!?! You're only eighteen! If you remember correctly, I strictly forbade you to even date until you were thirty seven!"

"But getting married isn't dating!" Collette replied.

"Whether it is or isn't, I forbid you from marrying him." Frank said sternly

"Why?" Collette pleaded.

"… because…because I CAN!"

Just then the Random Elephant popped in with a petition from all the people in the world who work at Burger King to let Collette and Lloyd get married. So they did.

THE END!!!

TML: Alrighty, as I promised, Collette's Special Day!

Bookend: That really stank.

TML: So you're telling me there's nothing you enjoyed about that absolutely delightful parable that wasn't actually a parable?

Bookend: Not what I said. Actually, I guess I kinda thought it was cool…

TML: There we go, Bookend likes it! It's gotta be good!

Rubiks Cube: If you've taken the time to read this story, pay your compliments to the author by taking a minute to tell TML what you thought of the story! You can review anonymously if you like.

TML: Thanks! See you later!


End file.
